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Communicating after an Altercation

It was a typical Sunday afternoon when I witnessed a small argument between my friends, Sarah and Jane. They’d been roommates for a year, but recently their bond had become strained. What started as a minor disagreement about shared chores quickly escalated into harsh words and raised voices. As the tension grew, they both stormed off to separate rooms, each fuming with frustration. It was clear that the altercation wasn’t just about dishes—it was a buildup of misunderstandings and unspoken resentments.

But, hours later, something remarkable happened. Instead of continuing to stew in silence, Sarah and Jane sat down together. They apologized for the things they’d said in anger and took the time to express their feelings openly and calmly. What followed wasn’t a heated back-and-forth, but rather a conversation about what each person truly needed from the other moving forward. They didn’t let the disagreement define their relationship. In fact, they emerged from the altercation with a deeper understanding and respect for each other.

This is the power of healthy communication after a conflict. It’s easy to let emotions rule in the heat of the moment. When tensions rise, it’s natural to want to defend ourselves or lash out. However, healthy communication allows us to process emotions constructively and repair the emotional rift caused by conflict.

Why Healthy Communication Matters

The way we handle conflict can make or break relationships. Poor communication often leaves unresolved issues simmering beneath the surface, which can lead to further tension and even emotional distance over time. Healthy communication, on the other hand, fosters understanding, builds trust, and strengthens connections. It involves expressing feelings honestly, but also respectfully, without blame or judgment.

Examples of Healthy Communication After an Altercation

  1. Active Listening – After a disagreement, it’s vital to listen actively to the other person’s perspective. Instead of planning your next rebuttal, truly hear what the other person is saying. For instance, Sarah and Jane didn’t just apologize; they listened to each other’s grievances and took time to validate each other’s feelings. This made them feel understood and respected.
  2. Use “I” Statements – Instead of accusing or pointing fingers, use “I” statements to express your feelings. For example, instead of saying, “You never do the dishes!” try, “I feel frustrated when the dishes aren’t done because it makes me feel like I’m carrying all the responsibility.” This avoids putting the other person on the defensive and encourages them to listen without feeling attacked.
  3. Timing is Key – Give yourself time to cool off before having a conversation about the altercation. Emotional conversations, if held too soon, may only perpetuate the cycle of blame. Once both parties have calmed down, you can approach the issue with a clearer mind.

Healthy communication is not just about talking; it’s about fostering an environment where both parties feel safe to express their emotions and work towards a resolution. In doing so, conflicts become opportunities for growth, learning, and connection rather than sources of division.

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Embracing the Extraordinary

It was an ordinary Tuesday afternoon when Sarah, a busy single mother, found herself stuck in a stressful situation. Her car had broken down in the middle of a deserted highway. With no phone signal and a growing sense of helplessness, she prayed for a miracle. Minutes later, a man in a pickup truck appeared out of nowhere, offering her help. He had all the tools she needed to get back on the road, and just as suddenly as he had arrived, he drove off, disappearing into the horizon. Sarah was left stunned and deeply grateful. What felt like a random occurrence had the feeling of something much more profound—a miracle.

Miracles are often seen as rare, otherworldly events, but what if we told you that they might be happening around you all the time? They don’t always have to be grand, dramatic moments—sometimes, they’re simple acts of kindness or perfect timing. Miracles, in their many forms, are an invitation to believe in the possibility of the extraordinary, even within the seemingly mundane.

The Merits of Miracles

Miracles have a unique ability to shift our perspective. They remind us that there is more to life than just the ordinary course of events. When we experience something miraculous, whether it’s finding the solution to a problem, a moment of pure synchronicity, or a breathtaking natural occurrence, we are reminded of the mystery and wonder of existence. Miracles invite us to pause, reflect, and feel a sense of awe, which can be a powerful tool for emotional healing and mental well-being.

Furthermore, miracles can inspire us to believe in the interconnectedness of the universe. They help us recognize that we are not isolated beings, but part of a larger, often unseen, pattern. When we embrace this, we open ourselves up to new possibilities, greater compassion, and deeper connections with those around us.

Tips for Seeing and Embracing Miracles

  1. Cultivate Gratitude: The first step to recognizing miracles is learning to appreciate the small moments. By practicing gratitude daily, you begin to notice the beauty and magic that already exists around you. Whether it’s a friendly smile, a clear sky after a storm, or the unexpected help of a stranger, gratitude allows you to see the miracles in your life more clearly.
  2. Stay Open to Possibilities: Miracles often come in unexpected forms. They might not look like what we imagine or desire. Being open to the unknown allows you to embrace the miraculous when it arrives, even if it defies your expectations.
  3. Trust Your Intuition: Intuition can be a powerful guide in recognizing miracles. When you feel a sense of knowing or a gut feeling that something special is about to happen, trust it. Many miraculous events begin as a nudge or an instinct, leading us to a transformative experience.
  4. Look for Patterns and Synchronicities: Miracles often arrive as perfect synchronicities—events that seem to align in the most meaningful ways. Pay attention to the patterns in your life, the times when things just seem to fall into place, and the surprising connections that appear at the right time.
  5. Embrace Faith: Belief in miracles doesn’t necessarily require a religious framework; it simply requires a sense of faith—faith in the unseen, the possible, and the greater good. Even in moments of doubt, holding onto a sense of trust can open the door to miraculous experiences.

Miracles are all around us, waiting to be discovered and embraced. By cultivating gratitude, staying open, trusting our intuition, recognizing synchronicities, and embracing faith, we can invite more miracles into our lives. Perhaps, as Sarah learned that day on the highway, we don’t always need to look far to find them—they might be closer than we think.

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Paying it forward

A cold winter evening in a small town is the backdrop for a story that resonates with the power of giving. Sarah, a young mother, stood at the grocery store checkout, her arms laden with essentials for her family. The total was more than she expected, and she found herself fumbling for her wallet, realizing it was a bit lighter than she anticipated. Behind her, an elderly woman noticed the situation and quietly stepped forward, paying for Sarah’s groceries without a second thought. “Don’t worry about it,” the woman said with a warm smile, leaving Sarah with a profound sense of gratitude.

This simple act of kindness, though small in monetary terms, rippled out far beyond the grocery store. For Sarah, it wasn’t just the groceries that mattered—it was the reminder that kindness exists even in the toughest of times. She later paid it forward by volunteering at a local food pantry, helping others in need. This story illustrates the profound impact of charitable giving—not just for the receiver but for the giver as well.

Charitable giving doesn’t always have to come in the form of money; it can be time, goods, or services. But regardless of how it’s given, there are numerous benefits that make it an essential practice in any community.

  1. Building Stronger Communities: When individuals contribute to a cause, whether through financial support or volunteering, they help create a more cohesive and supportive environment. For instance, organizations like Habitat for Humanity not only provide housing but also strengthen bonds between volunteers, home recipients, and the larger community.
  2. Enhancing Mental Health: Giving can have powerful emotional benefits. Research shows that acts of kindness can boost happiness, reduce stress, and even improve overall well-being. One study by the National Institutes of Health found that giving activates the brain’s reward system, making us feel good both emotionally and physically. Just the act of helping someone else can create a sense of purpose and satisfaction.
  3. Encouraging a Culture of Generosity: When individuals give, they set an example for others to follow. Children who grow up seeing their parents give back are more likely to become generous adults themselves. Charity fosters empathy and compassion, and when these values are passed down, communities become more resilient in the face of challenges.
  4. Tax Benefits: Beyond the emotional and social advantages, charitable giving can provide tangible benefits, such as tax deductions. Donations to qualifying organizations are often tax-deductible, reducing an individual’s taxable income. This is a practical reason that encourages more people to contribute.
  5. Personal Growth and Fulfillment: Finally, charitable giving can be a pathway to personal growth. Whether it’s through volunteering, donating money, or offering expertise, giving allows people to step outside themselves and develop new skills, broaden their perspectives, and gain a sense of accomplishment.

In the end, charitable giving is a two-way street. Not only do recipients benefit from the generosity of others, but givers also experience a sense of purpose, connection, and fulfillment that enriches their lives in countless ways.

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True Story of Kindness: The Power of a Simple Gesture

In a world that often feels overwhelmed by negativity and self-interest, it’s always refreshing to come across stories that remind us of the simple, powerful impact of kindness. One such story took place in a small town in Oregon, where a stranger’s selfless act changed a family’s life.

It was a rainy afternoon when Sarah, a single mother of two, found herself stuck in a tight spot. Her car had broken down on the side of a busy highway, and with no roadside assistance plan and her funds already stretched thin, she didn’t know what to do. She could hardly afford a tow truck, and to make matters worse, she was supposed to pick her children up from school in just an hour.

As Sarah sat in her car, feeling helpless, a man in his mid-40s, named Mike, pulled up alongside her. He was driving a beat-up pickup truck, looking a bit worn but friendly. Mike rolled down his window and asked if she needed help. Sarah, feeling a bit apprehensive, explained her situation. She was surprised when Mike didn’t hesitate to offer his assistance.

Mike was a mechanic by trade, and despite having a busy schedule, he told Sarah he could take a quick look at her car. He worked with cars in his free time, helping those who couldn’t afford the high prices of garages. After a few minutes, Mike diagnosed the problem — the alternator had failed. With his expertise and a few basic tools from his truck, he managed to temporarily fix the issue enough to get Sarah to a nearby auto shop.

As the car sputtered to life, Sarah felt an overwhelming sense of relief. She offered to pay Mike for his time and effort, but he refused. “I’ve been in tough situations before, and someone helped me when I needed it,” he explained with a smile. “Now, it’s my turn to pass it on.”

Not only did Mike fix her car, but his gesture gave Sarah more than just the ability to drive her kids to school that afternoon — it reminded her of the good in people and restored her faith in humanity.

What’s remarkable about this story is its simplicity. Mike didn’t have to do anything extraordinary, yet his act of kindness made a world of difference for someone in need. It’s a reminder that good deeds don’t always have to be grand; sometimes, it’s the small, unexpected gestures that carry the most weight.

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Loving Life: A Journey to Joy

This summer, I found myself on a hiking trail on the breathtaking Colorado Plateau. As I reached a clearing, the view unfolded like a painting—rocky cliffs kissed by the sun, wildflowers dancing in the breeze, and a crystal-clear river reflecting the sky. In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude wash over me. It was a reminder that life is not just about the big milestones but also about savoring the small moments that fill our days with joy.

Loving life is often about perspective. Take the story of Maya, she turned her morning commute into a ritual of joy. Rather than dreading the crowded subway, she started bringing her favorite book along. Each ride transformed into an escape, a little adventure in the midst of her busy routine. She discovered that joy could be found in the simplest of actions, like flipping the pages of a novel or observing the world through the window. This shift in mindset not only made her commute bearable but also sparked a love for reading that she hadn’t tapped into before.

Then there’s the case of Mark, who decided to embrace spontaneity. Tired of the monotony of his daily grind, he began saying “yes” to every invitation and opportunity that came his way. This simple change led him to join a salsa class, try his hand at pottery, and even go skydiving. Each new experience not only expanded his horizons but also brought him a sense of exhilaration that reignited his passion for life.

Loving life also involves cherishing the people around us. A simple family dinner can become a cherished memory when filled with laughter and stories. Last month, at a potluck with friends, everyone brought a dish that held a special meaning. As we shared food and memories, the evening turned into a celebration of our lives—our dreams, our challenges, and the beauty of our connections.

Ultimately, loving life is about cultivating gratitude, embracing spontaneity, and nurturing relationships. It’s about finding joy in the mundane and turning ordinary moments into extraordinary memories. As we navigate our journeys, let’s remember that life is a tapestry woven from these experiences. By choosing to love and appreciate every thread, we can create a rich and fulfilling existence. So, take a moment today to pause, breathe, and embrace the beauty of life all around you. You might just discover that love for life was waiting for you all along.

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The Language of Love

Have you ever given someone a gift, never to see them wear it, hang it on the wall, or utilize it in any way?  After my sister was married, I sent off one of her engagement photos and had it replicated to a painting. From the moment I presented it to her and her husband, I never saw it again. I don’t know what she did with it, but it would seem that she never hung it anywhere.

A powerful way to connect with those we love is through the knowledge and use of known love languages. Whether it be a partner, significant other, spouse, or friend, we can meet each other’s emotional need to feel loved by understanding their primary love language. This alone provides a priceless advantage. You may also find it very helpful to evaluate and acknowledge your own key love language(s).

According to author Gary Chapman, the author of “The 5 Love Language,” there are five expressions of love and the one that makes you feel most loved may be different than someone else’s. For example, I have a friend whose primary love language is indeed gifts. To give her a gift, provides her with a profound feeling of being loved. For myself, gifts do not provide me with that feeling. When someone provides to me an act of service, it could be anything, I feel truly loved. Here is a more comprehensive list of Gary’s 5 love languages:

Words of Affirmation

This would be the use of verbal compliments or words of appreciation. For example, “I love how you helped me clean up the kitchen after dinner.” We may often think these thoughts, but to those who feel deeply loved by affirmation, it can be meaningful and imperative to express it.

Quality Time

This is about giving someone your undivided attention and being attentive to them. Intimacy doesn’t just happen in the bedroom. It’s about spending time alone together in an atmosphere of communication, focused attention, eye contact, and respect. Spending daily time in healthy communication should be considered a minimum daily requirement. If quality time is primary to you or your partner, plan quality activities of mutual interest.

Acts of Service

By physically serving another, doing the things that you know they would like you to do, you can provide a profound expression of love to them. If you know this to be your partner’s primary love language, seek to do what you can to reduce their load. Make a list if it helps. Acts of service should not feel forced, but should be done out of love. Requests give direction to love, however, demands can stop the flow of love. Examples include cleaning, cooking, making beds, fixing things, and running errands.

Receiving Gifts

The long history of the giving of gifts is a cultural pattern which has intrigued anthropologists. Gifts are a visual symbol of love and a part of many modern day rituals. These gifts can be purchased, found, or made. If this is your partner’s primary love language, you may have to change your attitude toward spending money, but creativity can go a long way.

Physical Touch

There is great power in physical touch. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one another. Physical touch is not limited to one localized area of the body, but some areas will be more sensitive than others. Light touches of love require little time, but much thought. If a primary need, expression through touch is only limited by the imagination.

Having a different primary love language than your partner may feel awkward at first to feed, but without knowledge you will continue to stumble. I would encourage, if you have not done so, that you and your partner do a questionnaire to understand what makes you each feel truly loved. Just web search the love languages quiz.

I sincerely believe that understanding your partner more fully can only enhance your relationship. What you learn can also be transferred to other relationships, including friendships. Providing someone with the feeling of being loved is a gift of ultimate value.

People who love each other fully and truly are the happiest people in the world. They may have little, they may have nothing, but they are happy people. Everything depends on how we love one another.

~ Mother Teresa

Regerence: Chapman, Gary (2010). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (3rd Edition). Northfield Publishing.

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Gathering together

It would seem that we are wired to gather together with others. According to Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, we are living in a period of time when coming together is more important than ever. Let’s explore why and when we gather.

Prehistoric hunter-gatherers often lived in groups of a few dozen people, consisting of several family units. There was diversity in an organized living space, allowing for the sharing of workload with a probable social network structure. With the prospect of various group configurations, there was an allowance to share, for example, large amounts of meat, when acquired, with other groups of neighboring communities. This provided sustenance, but also minimized waste. The concept of gathering also lays a foundation for language. Not needed when alone, the use of language allows for discussion regarding various important topics like hunting or child rearing strategies.

Communal living is still practiced today. It provides the opportunity to live in your own private space yet be part of a family. It may be practiced for financial reasons, for the social benefits, or to co-habitat with those of similar beliefs. Coexisting with others can be a treasure whereby fundamental needs are met, with a feeling of comfort and belonging.

In what ways do we, can we, gather together?

Conferences: As is said, iron sharpens iron. When we come together with a shared purpose to learn and grow, by sharpening each other’s blade, we become more effective tools. We can learn new skills from others while sharing our own.

Weddings: We can have a deeper sense of significance with key milestone moments when we gather in a symbolic ritual. There is some accountability when a couple makes promises to one another in the presence of witnesses. The ceremony represents the coming together of two families to support and hold the couple accountable for those promises to one another. It is a celebration of their bonded life together.

Funerals: This type of gathering provides a path for the processing of grief. Mourners have an opportunity to process the reality of what has happened. They can share memories of their loved one, while saying goodbye to that physical presence in their life. Sharing these aspects with others who may feel similarly, can be cathartic and healing. We can find comfort in this group setting.

Worship: Genesis 2:18 states God’s intent that we not be alone. As we engage in worship, we can encourage and be an inspiration to others. Non-believers can be influenced by love and good works. Mathew 18:20 says that where two or three are gathered in Jesus’ name, he will be with them. This supports the idea of a community of believers, not necessarily a building or institution.

Meals: It is a cultural custom to gather together around food. There seems significance in the breaking of bread together. Eating can be the most satisfying and joyful time of day. Why not share it with others? Not only does eating together create meaningful time, but studies show that not eating together has quantifiably negative effects on both physical and psychological well-being.

That are many ways to gather with others, both physically and virtually. Although we tend to gather with those that support us and our belief system, never underestimate the power of divine appointments. If you find yourself in an uncomfortable group setting, try to see the big picture. What good might come of it?

If you are feeling lonely, seek out groups and/or activities to provide the opportunity to gather with others. Share your light. Being willing and able to commune with others can provide perspective, cultivate inspiration, ease your burdens, and bring great joy.

References:

https://www.worldhistory.org/article/991/prehistoric-hunter-gatherer-societies

What is Communal Living?
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The Quest for Independence – Why we celebrate July 4th

THE CALL

British efforts to colonization America began in the late 16th century with initial failed attempts by England to establish permanent colonies in the North. The first of the permanent English colonies in the Americas was established in Jamestown, Virginia, in 1607

England captured the Dutch colony of New Netherland in the Anglo-Dutch Wars of the mid-17th century, leaving North America divided amongst the English, Spanish, and French empires. After decades of warring with France, Britain took control of the French colony of Canada and France’s territory east of the Mississippi River, as well as several Caribbean territories,

After succeeding his brother in 1685, King James II and his lieutenant, Edmund Andros, sought to assert the crown’s authority over colonial affairs. Even those colonies that retained their charters or proprietors were forced to assent to much greater royal control than had existed before the 1690s. With population growth and flourishing farms, by 1770, the economic output of the thirteen Colonies made up forty percent of the gross domestic product of the British Empire.

In the early 1770’s American colonists became more and more convinced that that the British Parliament intended to take away their freedom. They saw patterns of increased oppression, corruption, and taxation without representation. Britain began to prepare for war in early 1775 and the fighting began in April in Massachusetts.

With increased hostilities, on June 17th, the Revolution’s first battle inflicted heavy casualties on the British regiment of General William Howe at Breed’s Hill in Boston. The engagement, known as the battle of Bunker Hill, ended the British victory, but created encouragement of the revolutionary cause.

Strict rules of secrecy were put in place by the colonist-elected delegates attending the Continental Congress to protect American liberty and their own lives. On June 7, 1776, with the Revolutionary War in full swing, a resolution was introduced to announce the reasons for independence. Thomas Jefferson, a talented political writer, penned the first draft. On July 2, 1776, Congress voted to declare independence and two days later, on July 4th, it was ratified. Resting on the natural rights of mankind and the law of contract, Congress sought to prove that George III had grossly violated the compact and invoked the right of revolution. Battles continued.

The British removal of troops from Charleston and Savannah in late 1782 finally pointed to the end of the conflict. British and American negotiators in Paris signed preliminary peace terms in Paris late that November, and on September 3, 1783, Great Britain formally recognized the independence of the United States in the Treaty of Paris. 

THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER

The lyrics to this song were written by Francis Scott Key, a lawyer and poet, who witnessed the British attack on Fort McHenry, Baltimore Harbor in 1814. Key was inspired by the US victory and the sight of the US flag flying triumphantly above the fort after a borage of bomb shells and rockets through the night.

Key gave the poem to his brother-in-law Joseph H. Nicholson who noticed that the words fit the popular melody “The Anacreontic Song”, by English composer John Stafford Smith. Nicholson took the poem to a printer in Baltimore, who anonymously made the first known broadside printing on September 17. Originally titled “Defense of Fort McHenry,” the song increased in popularity with its first public appearance at the Captain McCauley’s Tavern.

The song gained popularity throughout the 19th century with bands playing it during public events, such as Independence Day celebrations. In 1930, Veterans of Foreign Wars started a petition for the United States to officially recognize “The Star Spangled Banner” as the national anthem. The House of Representatives passed a bill 1n 1930. The Senate passed the bill on March 3, 1931, and President, Herbert Hoover, officially signed and adopted it on March 4, 1931.

With four verses total, the second through fourth are not commonly performed. The 200th anniversary of the “Star-Spangled Banner” occurred in 2014 with various special events occurring throughout the United States

STATUE OF LIBERTY

As an ardent supporter of America, Frenchman Edouard de Laboulaye proposed in 1865, the idea of a monumental gift to the people of the United States. He wished to commemorate the centennial of America’s independence, to celebrate the close relationship between France and America, and to acknowledge the recent abolition of slavery. The latter furthering America’s ideals of liberty and freedom.

The French played a key role in the America’s success in defeating the British in the Revolutionary War. At the close of the war, a French fleet of 36 warships prevented British reinforcement or evacuation. Trapped and overpowered, Cornwallis of the British fleet, was forced to surrender his entire army on October 19, 1781.

Lady Liberty, the iconic copper structure was completed in France by sculptor Frederic-Auguste Bartholdi with the help of Alexandre Gustave Eiffel for structural integrity. The Liberty Enlightening the World, as originally known, was shipped in 350 pieces, contained in 214 crates and arrived in New York Harbor on June 17th, 1885. The concrete pedestal was completed in April of 1886 by Americans and the Statue erection completed by the French on October 28, 1886.

Symbols involved in the design:

Crown – represents light with its spikes evoking sun rays extending to the world

Tablet – inscribed with July 4, 1776 in Roman numeral, notes America’s independence

Shackle – the broken foot shackle symbolizes the end of slavery and overcoming bondage

Torch – signifies enlightenment spreading freedom and democracy to the world

The statue of Liberty has become a symbol of democracy over strife, as it has greeted multitudes of immigrants who have sailed passed her on their way to Ellis Island and the America’s. Lady Liberty provides inspiration and the hope of freedom to build a better life.

References:

https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/declaration/how-did-it-happen

https://www.britannica.com/topic/American-colonies/Yorktown

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Star-Spangled_Banner

Overview + History

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_colonization_of_the_Americas

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Dare to Imagine

Albert Einstein conceived imagination as limitless when he said, “imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”

Imagination can provide a sense of freedom, an escape from the melancholy and the drudgery of life. It provides mental images of possibilities resulting from feelings and past experience. Setting goals is more helpful when we can imagine reaching them. For example, when we are driven to document corporate merit goals tied to not only performance, but also pay, we use the SMART system and choose goals that we deem as achievable. We imagine what we can achieve.

As Einstein eludes, the ability for humans to imagine is virtually unlimited. In addition to arbitrary escape, we use it when we daydream, to relieve stress, to heal, and also when we plan. Those that are most creative, like artists and writers, embrace imagination as a catalyst to invention. You can also witness boundless imagination in films produced for children.

Ways to harness the power of imagination:

  • Watch a fantasy or children’s film
  • Practice ‘Safe Place’ visualization meditation technique
  • Use the’ Lightstream Technique’ for trauma
  • Start your day by imagining the best possible scenario for that day
  • Utilize evocative imagery to overcome upcoming challenges
  • Experience safe and responsible experimentation in daily tasks/events
  • Practice ‘thought diffusion’ by imagining negative thoughts taking the form of shifting objects

Because your brain is challenged to differentiate real happenings from imagined happenings, imagination can be very powerful. You can use it to heal from the past, to create positive emotions in the present, and to embrace future encouraging outcomes.

The power is in your hands, or should I say, in your mind. Consider the use of imagination to capture the positive and diffuse the negative. Limitation is no excuse…

References: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-flourishing-family/202006/harnessing-the-power-imaginationhttps://advice.theshineapp.com/articles/how-your-imagination-can-help-you-feel-more-positive/

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Graceful Tolerance

We’re living in a time of intense polarization among our fellow Americans. There are those that have such a passion for their beliefs, they do not allow others to express anything that may challenge it. In an effort to disqualify opposing views, they may attack or explode with toxic, abusive, and/or destructive behavior. This polarization is not just destroying relationships; it’s destroying our country.

With regard to politics, polarization has increased rapidly over the last 40 years. Meaning, citizens feel more negativity toward the other political party than their own. When people from differing political camps cease to respect each other, it’s much harder to make political compromises and to create good public policy.

In recent years, it seems that the divide reaches far beyond political opinions. Some people may be easily offended by others, with an insecure and unhealthy bias that is based on their own belief system.  With easy access to the internet and groups of various affiliation, it is quite easy to surround yourself with like minds, whether right or wrong.

Yet tolerance is the amazing quality of allowing others to do or believe what they want to do/believe, even if you do not agree with it. It is fair and objective. It does not judge nor condemn. Being tolerant of others is a moral virtue and a behavior we should all seek to characterize. Even further is acceptance, embracing and celebrating the differences of others.

When we tolerate the actions and beliefs of others, we are giving them grace, and giving grace to others is God’s will for us. With unconditional acceptance, we open the door to more wisdom, more peace, and more love. With grace, we provide the opportunity to learn from those with opposing views. And although we may believe that our way is the right way, given our humanistic capacity, we often fall short. We may seek to influence others with our own beliefs and maybe even change their minds, however, we need not fix our countenance on making it so.

Expressing tolerance for others can be beneficial for all involved. According to Psychology Today, showing tolerance to others allows them to learn from their consequences in their own time and find their way without trying to control them.

Ways to help you to tolerate others:

  1. Seek to understand their position
  2. Empathize with their beliefs
  3. Place emphasis on your similarities and ignore the differences
  4. Accept that uncertainty is ok
  5. Review your own beliefs, where they were derived, and whether valid

When you feel challenged with tolerance, check yourself first. Evaluate your thoughts and make sure that you are reacting from a healthy place. When your state of mind is disturbed by another, your ego may want to retaliate. Do not let it. Show patience with others by understanding that you yourself have likely, at some point, disturbed the peace of another. Whatever your surroundings may provide, you can always choose to grace with tolerance.